Disclaimer: Still not mine, no matter how much I write.
Summary: A discussion of the wisdom of remaining with one's own kind.
Warnings: Rated R for sexual discussion and only a little bit of kink.
Notes: Originally written on Valentine's Day, 2002.
"Did you have a pleasant evening?"
"Did I have a pleasant evening. Did you just ask if I had a pleasant evening?"
"Why, yes, I did. Have you developed an ear infection? Possibly a head cold?"
"Fraser, have you talked to Turnbull since last night?"
"Did Turnbull have a pleasant evening?"
"That was the impression I received, in fact."
"Look, you said he knew a lot of interesting things in bed. You said 'maple syrup'. No! That is what you said, Fraser. You said that."
"I was hardly going to deny it, Ray. Did you find this not to be the case?"
"Poetry is not an interesting thing. Especially in bed."
"Renfield has a strong passionate voice, and I find it hard to believe that his recitation of Lord Byron's 'Don Juan' could fail to stir you. Or do you dislike the Romantics? Perhaps you did not express your literary preferences adequately."
"Oh, so you're saying my performance wasn't adequate."
"Were you attempting an artistic performance as well, Ray? I shall have to get a full review from Renfield--"
"Just shut up, Fraser."
"Ray? Is something wrong?"
"Nothing. Never mind. Tell him breakfast was great, okay? Pancakes with maple syrup, my favorite."
"I'm glad you liked them, Ray."
"How about you and Ray? You, uh, you have a good time?"
"So what'd you do?"
"A gentleman would never disclose such details."
"Come on, he's my boyfriend."
"And what was Ray's opinion on the evening?"
"He said to ask you."
"Oh. Well. In that case, perhaps I could ask -- when I entered your apartment -- that is, the position which Ray was in --"
"You mean with the handcuffs?"
"You don't like handcuffs?"
"They are certainly a valuable law enforcement tool, Ray. However, I'm not certain of the propriety of using them as a toy."
"Wait, wait. He was using regulation cuffs?"
"These appeared to have been modified--"
"Fraser, you do know you can buy cuffs made specially for this stuff, don't you?"
"Ah. No. I was not aware that such were commercially available."
"That explains a lot."
"There's no need to be rude. American stores provide a staggering array of products which are marketable nowhere else in the world. I can hardly be expected to be familiar with all of them."
"So now you know. Did you like them?"
"Were they fun to use, Fraser."
"I'm afraid I did not quite understand Ray's explanation of the game. It appeared to be an erotic simulation of a law enforcement training exercise, correct?"
"Ray, what is a 'safety word'?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tell me you did not play with my boyfriend without knowing what a safeword means."
"Well, we did -- ahem. We, ah. Well."
"What? No, you tell me right now. Don't make me punch you in the head."
"We had sex, Ray."
"With or without handcuffs?"
"Without. Ray removed them when he became impatient with me, I'm afraid."
"Okay. Okay, that's good."
"Yes, it was."
"Ha! I should hope so. But I'm glad he took the cuffs off if you don't play."
"I truly don't understand this game, Ray. What is safe about the word 'caribou'? I tried to tell Ray that they can be large, dangerous animals -- they are not domesticated, you understand, and no wild creature should ever be considered safe. Ray? Ray, what's so funny? This is no laughing matter. Every year there are injuries --"
"Oh jeez. Fraser. Look, how about we not try this swinging thing any more, okay? You go your Canadian way and I'll go home and play with Ray."
"Well, meaning no offense, Ray, I do think that's what I'd prefer to do, yes."
"We're quite the pair, aren't we?"
"It's good to have friends with whom one is comfortable sharing one's intimate life."
"Yeah, what you said."
"I did say it."
"Fraser? Shut up now."
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